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I felt trapped and couldn't leave. My depression was so bad I couldn't help myself or feed myself so I depended on this man whose problems were as bad as mine. Violent disputes, cops coming over, ambulances. I remember feeling so burdened I put a cigarette out on my hand to escape the psychological torture for a while. Even though I was in the depressed phase I was still psychotic and delusional. I jumped from psychiatrist to psychiatrist. They thought I just had depression and they put me on Paxil, Serzone, and Prozac, to name a few; however, nothing worked.
I met a psychiatrist that finally diagnosed me correctly and I was put on a cocktail that shot me out of the depression. However, the mania grew and my condition got worse. I was deteriorating fast and none of the drugs were working.. Everyday for two years I was psychotic, in a rage, acting out, crying, screaming and becoming increasingly dangerous. I was living in a homeless shelter for six months and I was so insane that at one point I scared everyone in the shelter.
I blew up over a remark at dinner and they all ran up the stairs and locked themselves in their rooms. I was hospitalized for a while at the age of 27 and I remember only bits and pieces. I remember wanting to attack a nurse. I remember being so drugged up on anti-psychotics that I was drooling and couldn't walk to the breakfast area.
I remember going numerous times time the emergency room pleading to be locked up and they wouldn't let me in. I remember being treated like I was stupid and a child by mental health workers. I felt dehumanized, abandoned and like I was sinking into a surrealistic nightmare I couldn't wake up from. My eyesight even changed so that everything looked like a neon sign, all vibrant and intense. I started wandering and got distracted.
I was mesmerized, stuck in time, and unable to leave stores.
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Every day I drove for seven hours or so, blasting music unable to stop. My memory was growing worse and I gained so much weight from the meds I couldn't walk to the end of the block. My face was turning orange from all the meds and my hair was falling out. Nothing was working and I started praying everyday for cancer to end my life. It felt like something was taking over my body, a different person. The doctors added on, yet another diagnosis.
I felt like a hopeless freak.
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My thoughts were becoming twisted and I hated myself. The endless torture of waking up sane for a couple of minutes and then being possessed by that other person for months and years was becoming too much to bear. The only thing that saved me was a vague memory of a friend of mine who had Bipolar as well. I had lost contact with my friend two years before and was a little sheepish, but thoroughly desperate. I phoned her and she was telling me how she was no longer on disability for almost three years and not on meds and back to teaching.
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I couldn't believe it. She had spent six years on disability and overweight from the medication the doctors had given her. She went through 13 electric shock therapy treatments to control her mania. She had been on so many medications and yet still ended up in the hospital every year. She explained she found this natural therapy through a friend of her brother who discovered Equilib on the web. I was amazed to hear her tell me how she had lost 80 pounds from changing her diet and all the energy she had from not being on tranquillizers anymore.
The Equilib pills literally saved her life and she was back to teaching full time.
My friend expressed her bitterness over losing so many years to Bipolar disorder and towards the inadequacy of the mental health system. We talked for hours about the torture of what happened to our lives and the absolute change that she had experienced. I was so shocked that the solution was so simple and I could barely believe that this product, Equilib, a natural product could help me.
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My first reaction was skepticism, because I thought my problem was too complex that the solution could not be so simple. However, I was so desperate and the doctors had run out of options for me. I told my psychiatrist I ordered the product and was going to try it with or without his help. I expected him to reject the idea.
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However, I needed him to wean me off the medication. I was floored. I explained to him what the Equilib people had told me about diet and Bipolar. To my surprise he already knew. He knew that studies have been done on the effects of sugar on the bipolar brain. But I guess the medical profession did not take that seriously enough. I was more than annoyed at the whole field. I mean all the meds and doctors and psychiatrists and talk therapy and nothing worked for me. In fact, I was deteriorating and my psychiatrist even told me my prognosis was poor and I was one of his worst patients.
I really started to believe the Equilib product would work when I did what the Equilib people told me to do. I stopped eating sugar completely.
Within four days I was completely stable on my meds while I was being weaned off of them. I had never, since my first episode five years earlier been stable once. I felt like I had just woken up. I thought, jeez, if this product could stabilize me in four days on meds and all the psychiatrists couldn't for nine years they must know what they are talking about.
So I went all the way. I did exactly as they told me and I am now stable for the first time in my life! The Equilib company provided me with a contact and she helped me through the many changes. She knew a lot about natural therapies and things I could do to further my stability. She also provided a listening ear and encouraged me through the med changes by telling me how other people on the product got better and what I could expect.
I am now a different person. I am no longer angry, not depressed, and nor am I anxious. I have so much energy. I am able to exercise again because I am not drugged up. I am losing weight so far 45 pounds! For the first time I am confident I can work full time and study too.